2 am

It seems at times I have completely lost who I am. I was intellegent and didnt stumble over getting a thought out; or reading advanced college textbooks. Now reading to my son I stumble over the easiest golden books. My brain just doesnt seem to work the way it used to. I have so many memory problems day to day being distracted with the pain. I dont sleep so that doesnt help the memory either. Ambien is not working; 7th night and here I sit at 2am. Called the neurologist for something different to try; except he's out until monday. I havent slept for nearly 7 years so whats another weekend right? it feel like an eternity though. I sit here thinking of the impending trip to the grocery store. With the buzzing florecent lights that can nearly paralyze me. I feel like i'm shopping the store with 80 lb weights around my ankles never seeming to make it through the whole list. I've wondered if earplugs would help or if I could still feel the buzzing in my brain anyway.